Just Bucky Part 2
by BuckyBarnesFangirl
Summary: Bucky Barnes tries to adjust to civilian life. Will the gruesome memories of his past ever stop haunting him? I own nothing. All credit goes to Marvel. Language scattered throughout.


_Where is that damn thing…?!_ The next morning, Bucky stood outside his apartment door, fumbling in his jacket pockets to find his keys. He tried to prevent the numerous paper bags full of groceries from falling out of his full arms as he searched himself for the troublesome piece of metal. As his fingers closed around the small house key, Bucky's groceries decided to leap out of his arms all at once. There was a terrific crash and a rattle of paper bags. Trying not to destroy something, Bucky ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his forehead, angry with himself for being so clumsy.

Muttering under his breath, he began to pick up the groceries strewn all over the floor. _How appropriate,_ he thought furiously, _It's a metaphor for MY ENTIRE LIFE._ Bucky was so angry and so busy with cursing to himself that he did not notice when someone walked up to him. He continued gathering his food and talking under his breath. A few moments later, he felt a hand brush against his shoulder.

Even though all of HYDRA's brainwashing had left his mind, a lifetime of being on the run had made Bucky unusually paranoid. At the foreign touch, he jumped a bit. His first instinct was to spin around and give whoever had touched him a solid punch on the jaw, but Bucky forced himself to calm down and turn around slowly like a normal human being. Once he laid eyes on the intruder, he cocked his head, thoroughly confused.

The woman standing mere inches from him apologized, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

She was a petite young woman, with long, black hair that fell past her shoulders. She had an olive complexion and eyes that were the color of Hershey chocolate. She wore black leggings and a camouflage-green sweater with running shoes. Her face was breathtakingly lovely, but it was a bit scrunched up, as if she were concerned.

Bucky found himself staring at her, his jaw unhinged. It had been a long time since he had had any contact with someone, let alone a female, besides Steve, T'Challa, Sam Wilson, and Shuri. Before he could speak, she beat him to it.

"Do you want some help picking up your stuff? I saw the whole thing." She smiled at him graciously. Bucky so desperately wanted to say yes. But something inside warned him to steer clear. He shouldn't risk getting romantically or even emotionally involved with anyone. Everyone he cared about eventually ended up dead. Bucky swallowed and tried to get his voice to work.

"Th-thank you ma'am, but...uh...I can handle it myself." He hated how cold his voice sounded. Hoping she did not recognize him, Bucky pulled the brim of his baseball cap lower over his face. For good measure, he tried to smile back at the girl, but his face seemed stiff, even frozen, as if he had forgotten how to smile. _Or how to flirt._ He tried to banish the thought from his mind. It wasn't respectful.

The young woman seemed a bit disappointed, but she nodded, smiled at him again, and walked down the hall. Bucky watched her back, expecting never to see her again. But suddenly, she turned and opened the door to the apartment right next to his. Bucky started in surprise. He heard his voice call out for her to wait. He felt his legs carrying him towards her door. Then she was only a foot away from him. She smiled, as if she were highly amused by this escapade. Bucky felt himself blushing.

"Yes?" She asked expectantly.

"What...what's your name?" Bucky asked her, his voice cracking. _Real sexy. Good job._ After a few seconds of silence, he began to regret this bold move. _She was probably just being polite, you big dumbass. What would you do if you saw someone drop all their groceries like a complete idiot in front of your apartment? I'm so stupid. Why do I even try?_ "I-I'm sorry," Bucky choked. "I'll leave you alone." His cheeks burning red, he ran back to his spilled groceries and started picking the rest of them up roughly. Once he finished, he hurried into his apartment, and slammed the door shut as fast as he could.

 _Why the hell did you do that? You're such an idiot. Why would she even want you? You're an ex-ASSASSIN! You killed hundreds of people! Not to mention you're about a hundred years old. Why do you keep trying? What did you think was gonna happen? Did you think she was gonna fall into your arms? Oh, never mind she can't because one is MADE OF FREAKING METAL! Yeah, maybe you used to get all the ladies back in the '40s, but girls are different now and you're not the same person you were then. If you get into a relationship now, you're just going to hurt yourself and her. How would you feel if you found out that your next door neighbor was the Winter Soldier? Honestly, Barnes, just stay down. Stop trying._

"I just don't want to hurt anyone. Ever again." Bucky whispered. Cruel, oppressive thoughts rained down on him like violent blows.

Later that evening, Bucky sat on the floor, reading a novel Steve had given him. A pot of macaroni and cheese bubbled precariously on the stove. Bucky lost himself in the story for hours. He loved to read because he enjoyed the modern stories and it was one way to forget his problems. Today he was engrossed in an American novel about a boy who had two hunting dogs. Bucky was enjoying it a lot. As it turns out, he was enjoying it too much.

The smell of burning food brought him to his senses. _My dinner!_ He leaped up and raced to the stove and peeked into the pot, terrified. There lay the charred and blackened remains of his food. Well, that's just terrific. He cautiously placed the pot into the sink and ran cold water over it. As Bucky wondered what to do next, he was surprised when he heard a knock at the door.

When he went to open it, he was even more surprised when he saw who was standing there. It was his next door neighbor. She was holding two paper takeout bags in her hands. She laughed nervously. _Why would she be nervous?_

"Um, hi." Bucky greeted her awkwardly.

"Hi. Listen, I felt bad after what happened to you earlier, and, with you being the new neighbor and everything, I thought you might like some dinner." She paused when she saw Bucky's puzzled face. She added quickly, "I...do that for all my new neighbors. There's a great Chinese place just a block away." Trying to lighten up the situation, she said, "I'm sure you've had Chinese food before."

Bucky laughed, then said, "Of course, do you think I was born a hundred years ago?" He paused, realizing the irony of this statement. "Actually, that's perfect because I just burned my dinner. Thank you." The young woman smiled at him and offered him the two paper bags in her arms. Bucky took them from her, careful to be as gentle as he could. She waved to him, then turned to leave. A crazy thought popped into his head.

"Wait." He waited until she had turned to face him. "Do...do you want to join me?"

"Join you?" The look of pure shock on her innocent face made Bucky smile.

"Yeah. It's...it's a lot of food and I might need some help." At this moment, Bucky's stomach grumbled loudly. _Dammit._

The girl laughed, then shook her head. "I'm so sorry, but I can't." Bucky felt his face fall, but he tried to mask it with a smile. _See? She probably has a boyfriend, and she'll tattle on you and he'll come here and try to beat you up for hitting on his girl. Just great._

"Oh. Kay. Sorry." They stood there silently for a second. Bucky cleared his throat. "Well, uh, thank you for the meal. That was really nice."

"You're welcome. I'll see you around." She waved, then turned to leave, but she stopped. She faced Bucky again. "I'm Kathleen. Kathleen Grady." She offered Bucky her hand.

"Kathleen. My name's Bucky." Incredulously, Bucky shook her hand.

"Call me Kathy. That's what my friends call me." Kathy smiled.

"Kathy. Right." Bucky smiled back. Kathy waved, then she left quickly, flying into her apartment.


End file.
